Final Thoughts on Fall 2016

I finally feel okay to talk about last semester. Every time I sat down to write, I just could not do it. I had a pit in my stomach, and just did not feel good about anything. I do not want to fabricate, or write anything I do not believe. I also wanted to forget everything that had happened over the past four months.

Last semester pushed me down, and then gave a swift kick to the core. It was hard. It made me question almost every decision I’ve made. It made me lose track of the days and weeks. It loaded on more work then I thought I could possibly handle. I was frustrated, confused, and uncertain if I would ever figure out what the hell was going on. I still feel exhausted thinking about it.

But yes, I did learn a lot. I have a better understanding of the therapeutic process. I understand more thoroughly the relationship between theory, evaluation, treatment, and discharge. The roles and responsibilities of my field are much more distinct. I feel more comfortable working with clients and other healthcare professionals. I have a better understanding of what I am talking about, and how to help people. My professional identity has improved a lot, and I take pride in that.

Although my academic knowledge has enhanced, I think my largest take-away from last semester is learning and seeing what I can endure. I know I have written in previous posts and stated “this is the hardest I have ever worked”, but you guys, last semester was the hardest I ever worked. Part of me is terrified to write this, because I still have two academic semesters left, and at this point anything could happen. Looking back, I actually don’t know how I did it.

You learn a lot in graduate school, but this past year I have learned the most about myself. I feel like I have my place, in my program, and in my class. First year, I felt like I constantly had to prove that I deserved to be here. I wanted to show my worth, prove to everyone that I earned my slot. It’s the classic freshman condition, and I think it’s a pretty typical feeling (I think). I feel more comfortable and confident, not that I know what I’m doing, but that I will figure it out. My sense of ability, adaptability, and self-efficacy has improved. My nerves about performing perfectly is slowly slipping away. I am okay with saying “I don’t know, let me figure out”.

Thus far, that phrase has served me well. Let’s hope it’s consistent for my first level 2 fieldwork.